Jeff Jacks was recently married! To him, I offer my sincerest congratulations, and wish him only the greatest happiness as a husband.
But not as a webcomic artist. Getting hitched won't change the fact that his webcomic is an abomination against man and God. So let's continue down the line discussing the next ten strips:
#21: The Death Penalty
This particular strip has even less reason to exist than most of the previous strips. It seems that Pintsize can't just pull some random stunt without Marten laboriously explaining it, and then pulling the little robot's head off and cleaning him out with paper towels. Furthermore, this strip features the same damn joke told three times with almost no variation at all. Sort of a QC condensed, I guess.
#22: The Most Dangerous Toast
The next morning, Marten woke up to find his hands had been glued to his head. I guess we're supposed to assume that there's a knock on the door, based on the context in the second panel, but there's really nothing to indicate that.
And now, for the first time, we finally get a bit of plot progression. Enjoy it. Savor it. It's going to be a very long time before we see any more. In this comic we have a startling development: Faye is going to move in with Marten! In his newsbox, Jacks claims that QC will not devolve into some lame anime ripoff, but it's shaping up more and more like a bad Tenchi Muyo knockoff. Or maybe Love Hina, since Tenchi wasn't a complete loser. Great job with namedropping Piro, there, by the way. It strikes me as ironic, since QC is the only comic I've seen that moves slower than Megatokyo.
Of course, the thing that bothers me the most about this strip is the fact that Faye is a terrible unfeeling monster. Not only did her apartment building burn down, presumably along with the majority of her material possessions, but it is also entirely her fault. As only one wall was left standing, she's not the only person who's out of a home now either. And how does she react to this? Is she filled with deep remorse? Is she recovering from shell shock? No, just another day in Faye-town. In fact, as the comic unfolds, this terrible accident is reduced to a running gag. It's disturbing that she can be so flippant about this sort of thing. At least Marten had the decency to widen his eyes a bit at the news.
#23: Instant Hysterics
In this strip, Faye calls up her mother to tell her she's living with a boy, an act of purely malicious intent. Never mind that Faye's apartment just burned down, but she is okay, and maybe her mother might be interested in knowing about it. I guess we are supposed to assume that the bag Marten has in the first panel contains all of Faye's remaining possessions, and that she had it with her before.
Jeff notes in his newsbox that this comic took a REALLY LONG GODDAMNED TIME to draw, as it apparently features the best art he has produced yet. I, personally, see no marked difference. He also lets us know that there is a forum where we can go to rain pictures of giraffes upon him, and also indicates that he would likely explode if namedropped John Allison ever drew a guest strip for him. An empty promise, as Jeff later received said guest strip, and is still in one piece to draw this awful comic.
Guest Strip Extravanga: Knights of the Old Do It Your Fucking Self
I have no idea what an extravanga is, and neither does dictionary.com. Regardless, QC here sees its first guest strip, brought to you by Jeff's British friend James, who is from Britain and is therefore British. As the comic progresses, the guest strips become more and more entertaining, but this first one is a bit weak. Really, that's not surprising, as QC only has 23 canon strips, and cumulatively they feature almost no character growth or story at all. The artwork is much nicer to look at than the crap that Jeff has been drawing, though, and he's all too aware of it. If only someone would throw down a "writing" gauntlet of sorts.
James seems to have mistaken Questionable Content for a gaming strip. It's understandable, though, as it has all the earmarks of one. Flat and shallow human archetypes, no discernable plot, people standing around talking incessantly about things that nobody cares about at all. And in classic gamer comic style, James picks a game that was very popular and well received, and explains to you why you should think it is bad. That hits a little too close to home for my tastes.
Don't forget to vote at Buzzcomix! For anything other than QC!
#25: The Look Of Doom
I don't have a lot to say about this strip, except that it's bad. During this difficult time of transition and loss, Faye has decided to randomly get a new haircut. Changing the design of your characters is fine, but Jeff did a pretty careless job writing it in here.
#26: Dress Code
Marten and Faye are too big of losers to even fit in with their own ridiculous scenester cliques, so, out of crippling insecurity, they try to justify it to themselves by mocking the subculture that they belong to. Jacks seems to be pretty obsessed with these little subcultures, but we'll learn more about that as he starts piling on more and more female characters. Also, Marten is incapable of sitting down like a human being, and has to swing off his couch like a chimpanzee.
In his newsbox, we see more ass-kissing accompanied by broken links, and we hear about how Jeff labored extra hard to make that punchline is devoid of humor as he possibly could. He also talks about voting for his comic, which, at least for a while, was something that he was quite obsessed with.
#27: No Love For The Emo
This comic combines the two worst aspects of QC (so far), talking about music, and making fun of people for being in the wrong subculture. I'd just like to go on record as saying that the only name that I recognize from this strip is Winona Ryder. As such, the adorable banter of this strip is completely lost on me (and probably most other people who have read this strip) but that's okay, because I'm pretty sure that it wasn't funny in the first place.
After trying to cover his own ass and then immediately devaluing said attempts, Jacks displays once again his unusual fixation on the British. I read a little bit of the comic he's plugging here. It's better than Questionable Content, so you should go read it instead. Or maybe a book.
#28: Drama!
Have you already forgotten who Blonde Barista is? Jeff seems to think you have, so he's linked us from his newsbox to both of the previous strips in which she was introduced. He also discusses how embarrassed he is by the artwork in those strips, almost as if he thinks he's made even a modicum of improvement since then. He also tosses around words like "storyline" and "plot" as if he had a clue what they mean.
I think this strip would be a great place to introduce you to a concept that I call pseudo-conflict. It's an idea that Jeff Jacks pioneered as a storytelling dynamic, and it is a mechanic that he will use time and time again, as the comic fails to progress.
Pseudo-conflict is when sets up the potential for conflict in his story, and then fails to develop it at all. The problems are resolved in the most mundane and boring manner possible, assuming they don't just float away without being resolved at all. This and the following strip make a fine example. When Blonde Barista finds out that Faye is living with the man that she has been pining for, it could act as a lead in for a great plot development. So what will happen now? Why not click that next button to find out!
As an aside, I like to pretend that Blonde Barista really did shit herself in that last panel.
#29: Only Sort Of Relieved
Nothing happens! Faye simply explains the situation calmly and rationally, and Blonde Barista is completely understanding. No fighting or name-calling or anything of the sort, in fact, nothing even remotely engaging. I hope this example has given you a good understanding of how pseudo-conflict works, as I will likely be using the term quite a bit from here on. Since conflict is a pivotal element in storytelling, this would make Jeff Jacks a pseudo-storyteller.
He does write in his blog about conflict, though. Apparently, he doesn't want to depict girls fighting because girls fight with no honor, unlike men. Somehow, this manages to segue into a PSA about how you should never go out drinking without friends. I suspect this newsbox post may have actually been the result of friendless drinking.
A few more things worth noting here: webcomic conventions indicate that Blonde Barista is sighing in a foreign language. Her boobs or horribly lopsided, one of them retreating downward and back behind her arm, though she has trouble deciding which one. Finally, this comic is an important reminder that MARTEN AND FAYE ARE JUST FRIENDS AND ARE NOT DATING AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS JUST A JUST-FRIENDS RELATIONSHIP. Seriously, how could you readers have already forgotten that?
#30: Sudden Realizations
Allow me to divulge a bit of personal information. While I may come across as suave and debonair on the internet, speaking with me face-to-face is another story. My social skills are a bit lacking, it seems, and some people even find me to be somewhat creepy. This puts me in a position where I am particularly apt at explaining what is wrong with this particular comic.
Blonde Barista decides to accost Marten and bare her soul to him in the creepiest way imaginable. First she explains her erstwhile obsession with him, but then she feels compelled to tell him about how she proceeded to psychoanalyze herself, and talk herself out of dating him because she had already idealized him too much after knowing him for only a matter of days. Does she even know his name at this point? And then she thanks him, putting the blame of her newfound nirvana solely on his shoulders. Blonde Barista's malformed word balloons are filled with so much embarrassing exposition here that Jeff barely has any room left for his shitty artwork.
How do you react to something like that? Was she really expecting Marten to say, "Oh, you're very welcome," and then to ride off into the sunset on his white horse? I think it might be typical for a man to be simultaneously creeped out by her spookiness and also disappointed that someone has lost interest in him, along with a bit of being unsettled as she less-than-casually gropes his shoulder. Not Marten, though, this poor moron has no idea what just happened, and he has to have Faye explain it to him. Faye looks pretty smug about it all, too.
And in his little newbox, Jacks discusses how hard it is for him to write this shit.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
QC strips 11 through 20
Let's continue through the archives. Today, I will be discussing strips 11 through 20. Be careful not to accidentally click any ads as you progress. You wouldn't want to give J. Jacks the impression that what he's doing is okay.
#11: The Wrong Thing At The Wrong Time
Marten hates his life, and himself. And with good reason, I might add, as he is a pathetic loser. And if even Marten hates himself, then why shouldn't we hate him too? I mean, just look at him, in his humiliating overpriced shirt, with his gigantic eyebrows and his failed foreshortening that makes him look like he has the figure of a pyramid, sitting around feeling sorry for himself as he watches cartoons.
Pintsize demonstrates an utter lack of sympathy, and rightly so. Most people have shitty jobs, Marten. Especially most webcomic artists. Furthermore, I am not at all convinced that Marten even has the capacity to feel human emotion. He certainly doesn't seem to demonstrate it, except through forced and awkward monologue. He should really listen to Pintsize's advice in this strip.
#12: In The Interest Of Faye's Safety
With a bit of strained dialogue and a completely extraneous panel, our new scenario is announced: The two pencil-neck principal characters are going out to dinner. As they walk past what appears to be a big and very poorly designed brick wall, Faye gets a phone call. The only real point here is that Faye has an overprotective mother, and perhaps an indirect threat against Marten's wellbeing, but none of that is nearly as interesting as the fact that, if you pay attention to the backgrounds, the two of them seem to be walking backwards in this strip.
#13: Achtung Nippel
For some reason, Faye's ears have fallen off in panel one, or perhaps phased out of existence. But more importantly, Faye gives us a taste of her true colors. No, I don't mean making lame excuses for the opportunity to grope up Marten's chest. I am referring to her tendency toward violence. Ordinarily, she will have a reason for her abusive behavior, even if it is a really poor reason, but this time her assault is completely unprovoked and unwarranted. She does it because she thinks it is cute. But it's not cute, it's disgusting. Faye is a disgusting, abusive bitch. Not to mention her little quip in the last panel isn't even half as funny as a window sign with the word 'crap' on it.
#14: Vegan Beef
I love eating meat. I feel that meat is wonderful and delicious. Furthermore, it provides certain important vitamins that are vital to cognizant thought. However, I can understand and appreciate the fact that not everyone feels the same way I do. I am sympathetic with people who do not approve of snuffing out innocent life for the sake of a tasty meal. And I certainly do not think it is cute or funny to play sick practical jokes on vegetarians. I may not always be perfectly accommodating, but that doesn't mean that I feel compelled to treat them with blatant disrespect. But that's what QC is all about. People who are different, making fun of other people who are different, because they are not different in the same way.
A restaurant like that would never stay in business, as every customer they got would walk out immediately. Not only that, but this is a pretty piss poor example of what irony is. Giving meat to a vegan isn't ironic, it's a childish April Fools joke.
#15: More Vegan Humor (JJ is using the word 'humor' loosely)
It's hard to tell, but I think these two insignificant extras are both supposed to be women. The one on the left is Jeff's straw man, who, in spite of that role, actually makes a compelling argument. The other, her waitress, reacts with violence. Of course, the restaurant will be shut down during the impending lawsuit.
Not only does everything I said about the last comic still apply here, but Jacks has also failed at crafting something as simple and formulaic as a slapstick gag. This kind of joke hinges on physical suffering, and yet, the lobster is only latched on to the subject's hair, which has no nerves. We really can't count on this guy to tell any kind of joke properly.
#16: You're Ruining The Moment
Jacks decides to do a bit of soapboxing now, to preach about what he thinks of other people that are annoying to him. In the first panel, Marten is staring enviously at the charming man's attire, and is filled with regret for attending a concert wearing that shirt that makes him look utterly idiotic. Next up, we have the chatterboxes. Yes, everyone knows that it is annoying to talk incessantly at events like concerts, though I'm not certain how Marten can even hear them over concert volume music. Even so, their conversation is certainly interesting, as a girl seems to have cheated on her boyfriend with the abstract concept of the passage of time. Third panel, Marten gets assaulted by a stranger. Kind of like the last panel, it really goes without saying that this is annoying, but Jeff feels compelled to say it anyway. Finally, we have a creepy man who whispers sweet nothings into Marten's ear. Creepy guy, if Marten is in your way, just walk around him, since it seems that only these two people are even present at the concert here. This public service announcement brought to you by a guy who haaaaaaaates people interfering when he is trying to listen to music in a public place.
This is also the first strip we've seen with a news post other than "No news today, sorry." As any decent webcomic artist should do, he's keeping us informed about the situation there at "Questionable Conent" concerning things like servers, layout, update schedule, and most importantly, his own employment status. And I must confess, I'm really willing to excuse the travesty of the earlier strips, because the man still works for a living. This is all still taking place in the distant past, before people started paying him money just to keep making this shit.
This comic was inspired by a Mogwai concert! Now, maybe I'm thinking of a different Mogwai, but I have a few Mogwai MP3s that I stole. Usually when they come up on winamp random play, I hit the next button, since they're too depressing for me. But they really strike me as ambiance music. It's really hard to imagine a Mogwai concert, because it's the sort of music you might listen to when you are doing other things, like talking, or shoving people, or looking good.
#17: The Horror
After our last little extraneous interlude which rudely interrupted the lethargic progression of our storyline, Marten and Faye are eating their meatburgers, when Faye decides to spoil Marten's appetite. So she talks about pooping. Whether she's just messing with Marten's head out of malice, or whether pooping is sincerely the sort of thing that Faye is interested in discussing, we can't be certain. In either case, Marten is so stunned that he drops his burger and little bubbles came out of his head. That's the punchline, Marten's stunned reaction. Stunning Marten isn't difficult to do, though. You just have to be female, and then say something to him.
In his newsbox, Jeff seems to be under the misguided impression that poop jokes are weak. In truth, it's any kind of joke, if Jeff is the one telling it. After some generic news, as well as a plug for his other, now defunct site, he is courteous enough to warn us that the future may hold a strip done by someone competent, a guest artist who did a few guest strips for Comet-7. Comet-7, by the way, is a pixelated comic about tentacles and that makes very little sense, but which is vastly more entertaining than QC will ever be. Don't bother clicking the links, though; they are dead.
#18: Children Do Not Belong There
This comic is coupled with an eerily empty newsbox, but it features our heroes walking back home, talking about how hilarious they were in the previous strip. Here is an exciting twist, though: Their conversation segues into the topic of anal sex, and even pedophilia. Every plot twist in QC takes the form of a conversation segue, by the way.
A couple of things worth noting. First of all, Faye's hand gestures in panel 3 are very telling. Her idea of anal sex appears to involve forcibly shoving an entire human fist into somebody's ass. Second, this strip confirms my suspicions that they were moon walking in strip 12. There they are, passing that same brick wall, but facing the same direction, on their way back home.
#19: Better Than A Roll Of Dimes (that's a joke about girth, ha ha)
Fun fact: Marten is so starved for female attention that something as simple as a platonic hug from a girl will give him a gigantic throbbing boner. It doesn't even have to be an attractive girl; it could be Faye. Either that, or he's had an erection for the entire night. Of course, Faye feels compelled to comment on it, but despite her expression of disapproval, she doesn't recoil, or stop rubbing her body up against Marten or remove her hand from his armpit. Maybe Marten was supposed to look abashed in that last panel, but he really looks smug to me, like he's proud of himself that he managed to get it up.
I wish Marten really was doing laundry, but if he wore the same shirt two days in a row, it would be bad for Jacks' merchandise sales.
Newsbox has a few more defunct links, and makes me wish JJ really would get his limbs devoured by lions, but it's that last paragraph that is interesting. It is so sincere in its two-facedness. In this era, he draws his shitty comics because it is what he loves to do, and yet, he still yearns for internet fame. I can't fault him for that, though; this is the natural order of webcomic artists, and it is beautiful. What I can fault him for is plugging VG Cats. God, if only Jeff Jacks could write piss and dick jokes half as competently as Scott Ramsoomair.
#20: Not As Good As Pie
Let's end this article on a really lame note today: I'm eating cake mix! O.M.G. Jacks, that is pretty random right there. That's the kind of randomness that makes fourteen-year-old girls squeal like little piggies and flap their little fists in the air and exclaim how adorable GIR is. Did I say GIR? I'm sorry, I meant to say Pintsize.
#11: The Wrong Thing At The Wrong Time
Marten hates his life, and himself. And with good reason, I might add, as he is a pathetic loser. And if even Marten hates himself, then why shouldn't we hate him too? I mean, just look at him, in his humiliating overpriced shirt, with his gigantic eyebrows and his failed foreshortening that makes him look like he has the figure of a pyramid, sitting around feeling sorry for himself as he watches cartoons.
Pintsize demonstrates an utter lack of sympathy, and rightly so. Most people have shitty jobs, Marten. Especially most webcomic artists. Furthermore, I am not at all convinced that Marten even has the capacity to feel human emotion. He certainly doesn't seem to demonstrate it, except through forced and awkward monologue. He should really listen to Pintsize's advice in this strip.
#12: In The Interest Of Faye's Safety
With a bit of strained dialogue and a completely extraneous panel, our new scenario is announced: The two pencil-neck principal characters are going out to dinner. As they walk past what appears to be a big and very poorly designed brick wall, Faye gets a phone call. The only real point here is that Faye has an overprotective mother, and perhaps an indirect threat against Marten's wellbeing, but none of that is nearly as interesting as the fact that, if you pay attention to the backgrounds, the two of them seem to be walking backwards in this strip.
#13: Achtung Nippel
For some reason, Faye's ears have fallen off in panel one, or perhaps phased out of existence. But more importantly, Faye gives us a taste of her true colors. No, I don't mean making lame excuses for the opportunity to grope up Marten's chest. I am referring to her tendency toward violence. Ordinarily, she will have a reason for her abusive behavior, even if it is a really poor reason, but this time her assault is completely unprovoked and unwarranted. She does it because she thinks it is cute. But it's not cute, it's disgusting. Faye is a disgusting, abusive bitch. Not to mention her little quip in the last panel isn't even half as funny as a window sign with the word 'crap' on it.
#14: Vegan Beef
I love eating meat. I feel that meat is wonderful and delicious. Furthermore, it provides certain important vitamins that are vital to cognizant thought. However, I can understand and appreciate the fact that not everyone feels the same way I do. I am sympathetic with people who do not approve of snuffing out innocent life for the sake of a tasty meal. And I certainly do not think it is cute or funny to play sick practical jokes on vegetarians. I may not always be perfectly accommodating, but that doesn't mean that I feel compelled to treat them with blatant disrespect. But that's what QC is all about. People who are different, making fun of other people who are different, because they are not different in the same way.
A restaurant like that would never stay in business, as every customer they got would walk out immediately. Not only that, but this is a pretty piss poor example of what irony is. Giving meat to a vegan isn't ironic, it's a childish April Fools joke.
#15: More Vegan Humor (JJ is using the word 'humor' loosely)
It's hard to tell, but I think these two insignificant extras are both supposed to be women. The one on the left is Jeff's straw man, who, in spite of that role, actually makes a compelling argument. The other, her waitress, reacts with violence. Of course, the restaurant will be shut down during the impending lawsuit.
Not only does everything I said about the last comic still apply here, but Jacks has also failed at crafting something as simple and formulaic as a slapstick gag. This kind of joke hinges on physical suffering, and yet, the lobster is only latched on to the subject's hair, which has no nerves. We really can't count on this guy to tell any kind of joke properly.
#16: You're Ruining The Moment
Jacks decides to do a bit of soapboxing now, to preach about what he thinks of other people that are annoying to him. In the first panel, Marten is staring enviously at the charming man's attire, and is filled with regret for attending a concert wearing that shirt that makes him look utterly idiotic. Next up, we have the chatterboxes. Yes, everyone knows that it is annoying to talk incessantly at events like concerts, though I'm not certain how Marten can even hear them over concert volume music. Even so, their conversation is certainly interesting, as a girl seems to have cheated on her boyfriend with the abstract concept of the passage of time. Third panel, Marten gets assaulted by a stranger. Kind of like the last panel, it really goes without saying that this is annoying, but Jeff feels compelled to say it anyway. Finally, we have a creepy man who whispers sweet nothings into Marten's ear. Creepy guy, if Marten is in your way, just walk around him, since it seems that only these two people are even present at the concert here. This public service announcement brought to you by a guy who haaaaaaaates people interfering when he is trying to listen to music in a public place.
This is also the first strip we've seen with a news post other than "No news today, sorry." As any decent webcomic artist should do, he's keeping us informed about the situation there at "Questionable Conent" concerning things like servers, layout, update schedule, and most importantly, his own employment status. And I must confess, I'm really willing to excuse the travesty of the earlier strips, because the man still works for a living. This is all still taking place in the distant past, before people started paying him money just to keep making this shit.
This comic was inspired by a Mogwai concert! Now, maybe I'm thinking of a different Mogwai, but I have a few Mogwai MP3s that I stole. Usually when they come up on winamp random play, I hit the next button, since they're too depressing for me. But they really strike me as ambiance music. It's really hard to imagine a Mogwai concert, because it's the sort of music you might listen to when you are doing other things, like talking, or shoving people, or looking good.
#17: The Horror
After our last little extraneous interlude which rudely interrupted the lethargic progression of our storyline, Marten and Faye are eating their meatburgers, when Faye decides to spoil Marten's appetite. So she talks about pooping. Whether she's just messing with Marten's head out of malice, or whether pooping is sincerely the sort of thing that Faye is interested in discussing, we can't be certain. In either case, Marten is so stunned that he drops his burger and little bubbles came out of his head. That's the punchline, Marten's stunned reaction. Stunning Marten isn't difficult to do, though. You just have to be female, and then say something to him.
In his newsbox, Jeff seems to be under the misguided impression that poop jokes are weak. In truth, it's any kind of joke, if Jeff is the one telling it. After some generic news, as well as a plug for his other, now defunct site, he is courteous enough to warn us that the future may hold a strip done by someone competent, a guest artist who did a few guest strips for Comet-7. Comet-7, by the way, is a pixelated comic about tentacles and that makes very little sense, but which is vastly more entertaining than QC will ever be. Don't bother clicking the links, though; they are dead.
#18: Children Do Not Belong There
This comic is coupled with an eerily empty newsbox, but it features our heroes walking back home, talking about how hilarious they were in the previous strip. Here is an exciting twist, though: Their conversation segues into the topic of anal sex, and even pedophilia. Every plot twist in QC takes the form of a conversation segue, by the way.
A couple of things worth noting. First of all, Faye's hand gestures in panel 3 are very telling. Her idea of anal sex appears to involve forcibly shoving an entire human fist into somebody's ass. Second, this strip confirms my suspicions that they were moon walking in strip 12. There they are, passing that same brick wall, but facing the same direction, on their way back home.
#19: Better Than A Roll Of Dimes (that's a joke about girth, ha ha)
Fun fact: Marten is so starved for female attention that something as simple as a platonic hug from a girl will give him a gigantic throbbing boner. It doesn't even have to be an attractive girl; it could be Faye. Either that, or he's had an erection for the entire night. Of course, Faye feels compelled to comment on it, but despite her expression of disapproval, she doesn't recoil, or stop rubbing her body up against Marten or remove her hand from his armpit. Maybe Marten was supposed to look abashed in that last panel, but he really looks smug to me, like he's proud of himself that he managed to get it up.
I wish Marten really was doing laundry, but if he wore the same shirt two days in a row, it would be bad for Jacks' merchandise sales.
Newsbox has a few more defunct links, and makes me wish JJ really would get his limbs devoured by lions, but it's that last paragraph that is interesting. It is so sincere in its two-facedness. In this era, he draws his shitty comics because it is what he loves to do, and yet, he still yearns for internet fame. I can't fault him for that, though; this is the natural order of webcomic artists, and it is beautiful. What I can fault him for is plugging VG Cats. God, if only Jeff Jacks could write piss and dick jokes half as competently as Scott Ramsoomair.
#20: Not As Good As Pie
Let's end this article on a really lame note today: I'm eating cake mix! O.M.G. Jacks, that is pretty random right there. That's the kind of randomness that makes fourteen-year-old girls squeal like little piggies and flap their little fists in the air and exclaim how adorable GIR is. Did I say GIR? I'm sorry, I meant to say Pintsize.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
QC strips 1 through 10
Let's start at the beginning, shall we? So let's go ahead and navigate to the first strip. I don't want to link to the comic directly, as that would give it even more traffic, so I will assume that you can find it on your own.
#1: Employment Sucks. Good thing you don't have to worry about that anymore, JJ!
Welcome to the world of Questionable Content, by Jeff Jacks! I will admit that the first two strips are probably the best strips in the archive. Jacks allegedly intended for the comic to be about "a depressed lonely guy and his robot" which seems like a pretty solid dynamic to me. Unfortunately, he only manages to deliver this for two consecutive strips before he screws up, ruining everything. Screwing up a potentially decent idea will prove to be habitual for him.
The first thing to catch out attention with any webcomic will be the quality of the artwork. These earlier strips, though naive in appearance, actually have a much more lively dynamic feeling than the stiff, talking corpses of the more recent bile. The zig-zag panel layout is a bit awkward, though, as are his rectangular word balloons with right-angled lines substituting tags. Said tags blend into the background so seamlessly that, at first glance, it seems that the terrible fonts are the only distinction in who's talking.
This first strip introduces our main character, who is named Marten, but unless you cheated and peeked at the cast page you don't know that, so I'll stick with Main Character for now. It also introduces the adorable talking mascot of the series, his pet toy robot monster, Pintsize. Pintsize, both in design and characterization, bears a striking resemblance to GIR of Invader Zim fame, which predates this webcomic by over two years. And much like GIR, his job is to be random, a task which he rises to by constantly spew forth internet memes and pop culture references. In spite of this functionality, he will prove to have depth of character far surpassing all of the human cast combined.
Main Character and Pintsize spend the strip exchanging unengaging banter about how Main Character hates his job, culminating in a joke about masturbation. The writing is weak at best, but that's okay, because this is only the first strip, and the function is to establish characters and context. In the other twelve-hundred-twenty-three strips, it is NOT okay. But if you're with me for the full ride, then you'd best get used to it fast, because weak writing is a staple for this comic.
#2: While You Were Out...
This comic kicks off with Main Character announcing that he is going out to the bar to wallow in his self-loathing. This is of course taking place at night, as Marten's sickly flesh has clearly not seen the light of day in many years. Yes, he does go out in public wearing that embarrassing shirt, which can be yours for only $17.00, plus $3.00 shipping and handling, plus an additional $2.00 if you are a girl. Today's boring dialogue is about what pet toy robot monsters like to do when nobody else is around, which apparently consists primarily of sleeping and humoring the possibility of life on other planets. The joke is about throwing up, and how both humans and pet toy robot monsters can puke in their own unique and very special ways.
#3: True Professionals
The last two strips weren't so bad, as the dynamic of A Boy And His Robot is one solid enough to stand on it's own spheroid feet. But this third comic destroys what Jeff Jacks has established, by introducing the most abominable aspect of this entire horrible work: Faye.
Sure, it starts innocently enough. Main Character is slowly nursing his tall glass of motor oil, while discussing career options with his dear friend, Other Guy. And then Faye walks by, disrupting the entire comic forever. You can practically feel the soul-sucking empathic aura of hatred and loathing pouring off of her as she walks past, with her short hair and emo glasses and studded belt. I could go on for hours about how the sight of Faye literally makes my eyes bleed, but as this blog unfolds, I'm sure you will discover this for yourself.
And Faye is, of course, the element that necessitated the introduction of Other Guy. Main Character needs someone that he can dialogue with. Someone who can presumably comprehend human emotions, though as it turns out, nobody in this comic has that capacity. Also, he has to be male. In the world of Questionable Content, women are the other team. Women are the enemy.
The comic ends with Main Character, as an afterthought, finally revealing his name: Marten Reed. Marten would have been slightly more tolerable if his first name was spelled properly, but instead, Jacks decided to make him a bushy-tailed mustelid related to the weasel.
#4: Faye Cuts To The Chase
If only Faye had just kept on walking. If only she had failed to notice Marten's gaze boring into her ass. If only she were lucid enough to realize at a glance that he's not worth giving the time of day. Then, she would have walked in and out of this comic for just one strip, and would presumably be ruining lives off-panel, where we don't have to stare at her hideous face.
But no. She caught sight of Marten staring, and because she's so desperate for the male attention that she never got from her father, she decided to turn around and talk to him. Staring him down with her smug smirk, single arched brow, half-lidded lenses, and gesturing vaguely with a bottle of beer. Marten, who hasn't ever seen a woman apart from his mother before, pulls a classic Guybrush and babbles incoherently. This fatal mistake allows Faye to dominate the conversation.
Other Guy is granted his generic Other Guy name of Steve, and guys like video games and maybe girls do too, but the important thing here is Faye's reveal in no uncertain terms that she wants to be "Just Friends" with Marten. And what wonderful friends they are to become. After all, they have so much in common, like mental disability and cadaverous pallor. Certainly a bit of sexual tension won't interfere. What could possibly go wrong?
And then Faye threatens to stab them and shit in the wound. While I do admire this technique (I had previously mistakenly believed that I had invented it) that sort of threat does not make a very good first impression. Trust me.
#5: Chicks Dig Disc Drives
Marten takes Faye back to his apartment, which is represented by two fields of dark blue, and Faye uses her astonishing insight and perhaps psionic powers to determine what Marten's favorite color is.
This comic does bring up the interesting conundrum of the temporal setting of QC. It seems to be contemporary, as the characters live in a contemporary society, and enjoy contemporary shitty music. That is, in all respects but one: these pet toy robot monsters are like an anthropomorphic computer, controlled by an artificial intelligence that is so advanced, it appears to have the capacity of emotion (unlike the human characters.) Is this world a fictional alternate present, in which technology is more advanced than our own? But the comic is reportedly placed in the real world real city of Northampton, Massachusetts. Perhaps these pet toy robot monsters are simply an anachronism. I, for one, believe that this comic will one day be truly great, when Jeff Jacks finally reaches the point in the story when the artificially intelligent machines rise up and overthrow their human creators, ushering in an era of war and devastation. I have grown very old waiting for this to happen.
And then Pintsize shows Faye his robot-equivalent dick, and she thinks it's cute because she is a girly girl who likes things that are cute.
#6: The Hazards of Internal Monologue
What's this? Real word balloons, with real tags, and actually legible dialogue? Finally, Jacks is trying out a mechanism that has been used in nearly every comic for over a hundred years!
As Marten digs around in what may or may not be a refrigerator, he reveals another of his multitudinous character flaws: He speaks his thoughts aloud when he believes he is alone. What's more, he seems to forget in an instant that he is not alone, as soon as Faye is out of his peripheral vision. And, oh no, Faye overheard Marten voicing his private thoughts concerning her! This is the sort of zany hijinx I've come to expect from the terrible sprite comic Bob and George, which predates QC by a good three years, and is also terrible.
In the third panel, I like to pretend that Marten is peeing in Faye's glass.
#7: Indie Bonding
JJ decided to try a few new things here, like profiles, and couches, and multiple simultaneous but distinct conversations. Having two separate dialogues going at once is not done purely to confuse and confound the reader. It is a crutch that Jacks leans on when even he is aware of how lame his primary joke is.
It hasn't been made abundantly clear up until this point, but QC is a comic about people who like bad music, and who like to talk about bad music. But now, we see the comic's true colors, as Marten and Faye flirt with each other in the only way that their stunted social skills allow: talking about shitty bands that no one has ever heard of. This may be a personal thing, but I don't like talking about music, and I don't like hearing people talk about music, any further than, "hey, you should listen to this song." Music is to be listened to and enjoyed, not discussed incessantly by the sort of people who have big fat heads about listening to bands that no one else likes and who pick their friends based on their tastes in music. I'm sure there are plenty of such shallow readers who enjoy seeing their favorite nameless groups plugged in a shitty online comic, but I, personally, find it nauseating.
#8: Sexy Ports
Just in case you missed it back in comic four, Marten and Faye are JUST FRIENDS. They are not going to date or have sex or be boyfriend and girlfriend, because they are friends, and that is all, and they aren't more than friends because friends is all they are. Marten is disappointed by this, though, and we know that because he tells us so. It isn't long before Pintsize gets sick of his shit, and tries to change the subject by talking about robot orifices.
In these earlier strips, the inside of everyone's mouth is white. It seems most noticeable with Pintsize, but whenever someone opens their mouth in this comic, it looks like they have a single errant tooth jutting past their lips. I can't help but imagine the little robot bastard sitting in a tree, playing his one-string banjo, oblivious to the fact that his parents are siblings.
#9: Two Ships Passing In Broad Daylight
Marten is at a coffee shop now, because coffee shops are the preferred hang out of all the cool people, and also the cast of QC. This strip begins with Marten ordering two mochas, because he's too embarrassed to admit that he is all alone, but Blonde Barista immediately sees right through his thin facade.
It seems that Marten and Blonde Barista have a mutual crush on each other, as they each represent certain ideals of physical beauty in this crudely drawn world, which leads us to a commonly discussed aspect of this webcomic as a whole. I have had no personal dealings with Jeff Jacks as of the time I am writing this post, but many QC readers are of the belief that Marten is a poorly disguised Mary Sue character, through which Jeff can act out his own Tenchi Muyo fantasies. If this is the case, then it speaks incredibly poorly of Jeff Jacks, as even in magical Mary Sue land his avatar is a complete pathetic loser.
#10: Coffeeshop Lust
Blonde Barista gets a name, but she's not important enough to bother remembering it. On the cast page she is portrayed as a dinosaur. Much more interesting is the startling plot twist by which new-in-town Faye is suddenly employed at the very same coffee shop where all the cool kids like to hang out! As these two girly girls discuss their strategy against the opposing team (boys,) their dialogue is vastly outshone by the chalkboard in the background. This is to become a lasting trend. Today's Specials will always be more entertaining than the actual comic.
This is the last strip that I will be discussing for this post, so let's end things on a happy note: rape!
Blonde Barista, while making a masturbatory gesture with her bizarre appendage, humors the idea of raping Marten. Faye seems in favor of the idea, as men obviously enjoy being forced to have sex against their will. Wait, no, that's just Jeff Jacks. In Reality-World, rape is a terrible thing, regardless of the victim's gender, and it's pretty warped to try to justify it. Jeff, you just pulled a Mookie.
#1: Employment Sucks. Good thing you don't have to worry about that anymore, JJ!
Welcome to the world of Questionable Content, by Jeff Jacks! I will admit that the first two strips are probably the best strips in the archive. Jacks allegedly intended for the comic to be about "a depressed lonely guy and his robot" which seems like a pretty solid dynamic to me. Unfortunately, he only manages to deliver this for two consecutive strips before he screws up, ruining everything. Screwing up a potentially decent idea will prove to be habitual for him.
The first thing to catch out attention with any webcomic will be the quality of the artwork. These earlier strips, though naive in appearance, actually have a much more lively dynamic feeling than the stiff, talking corpses of the more recent bile. The zig-zag panel layout is a bit awkward, though, as are his rectangular word balloons with right-angled lines substituting tags. Said tags blend into the background so seamlessly that, at first glance, it seems that the terrible fonts are the only distinction in who's talking.
This first strip introduces our main character, who is named Marten, but unless you cheated and peeked at the cast page you don't know that, so I'll stick with Main Character for now. It also introduces the adorable talking mascot of the series, his pet toy robot monster, Pintsize. Pintsize, both in design and characterization, bears a striking resemblance to GIR of Invader Zim fame, which predates this webcomic by over two years. And much like GIR, his job is to be random, a task which he rises to by constantly spew forth internet memes and pop culture references. In spite of this functionality, he will prove to have depth of character far surpassing all of the human cast combined.
Main Character and Pintsize spend the strip exchanging unengaging banter about how Main Character hates his job, culminating in a joke about masturbation. The writing is weak at best, but that's okay, because this is only the first strip, and the function is to establish characters and context. In the other twelve-hundred-twenty-three strips, it is NOT okay. But if you're with me for the full ride, then you'd best get used to it fast, because weak writing is a staple for this comic.
#2: While You Were Out...
This comic kicks off with Main Character announcing that he is going out to the bar to wallow in his self-loathing. This is of course taking place at night, as Marten's sickly flesh has clearly not seen the light of day in many years. Yes, he does go out in public wearing that embarrassing shirt, which can be yours for only $17.00, plus $3.00 shipping and handling, plus an additional $2.00 if you are a girl. Today's boring dialogue is about what pet toy robot monsters like to do when nobody else is around, which apparently consists primarily of sleeping and humoring the possibility of life on other planets. The joke is about throwing up, and how both humans and pet toy robot monsters can puke in their own unique and very special ways.
#3: True Professionals
The last two strips weren't so bad, as the dynamic of A Boy And His Robot is one solid enough to stand on it's own spheroid feet. But this third comic destroys what Jeff Jacks has established, by introducing the most abominable aspect of this entire horrible work: Faye.
Sure, it starts innocently enough. Main Character is slowly nursing his tall glass of motor oil, while discussing career options with his dear friend, Other Guy. And then Faye walks by, disrupting the entire comic forever. You can practically feel the soul-sucking empathic aura of hatred and loathing pouring off of her as she walks past, with her short hair and emo glasses and studded belt. I could go on for hours about how the sight of Faye literally makes my eyes bleed, but as this blog unfolds, I'm sure you will discover this for yourself.
And Faye is, of course, the element that necessitated the introduction of Other Guy. Main Character needs someone that he can dialogue with. Someone who can presumably comprehend human emotions, though as it turns out, nobody in this comic has that capacity. Also, he has to be male. In the world of Questionable Content, women are the other team. Women are the enemy.
The comic ends with Main Character, as an afterthought, finally revealing his name: Marten Reed. Marten would have been slightly more tolerable if his first name was spelled properly, but instead, Jacks decided to make him a bushy-tailed mustelid related to the weasel.
#4: Faye Cuts To The Chase
If only Faye had just kept on walking. If only she had failed to notice Marten's gaze boring into her ass. If only she were lucid enough to realize at a glance that he's not worth giving the time of day. Then, she would have walked in and out of this comic for just one strip, and would presumably be ruining lives off-panel, where we don't have to stare at her hideous face.
But no. She caught sight of Marten staring, and because she's so desperate for the male attention that she never got from her father, she decided to turn around and talk to him. Staring him down with her smug smirk, single arched brow, half-lidded lenses, and gesturing vaguely with a bottle of beer. Marten, who hasn't ever seen a woman apart from his mother before, pulls a classic Guybrush and babbles incoherently. This fatal mistake allows Faye to dominate the conversation.
Other Guy is granted his generic Other Guy name of Steve, and guys like video games and maybe girls do too, but the important thing here is Faye's reveal in no uncertain terms that she wants to be "Just Friends" with Marten. And what wonderful friends they are to become. After all, they have so much in common, like mental disability and cadaverous pallor. Certainly a bit of sexual tension won't interfere. What could possibly go wrong?
And then Faye threatens to stab them and shit in the wound. While I do admire this technique (I had previously mistakenly believed that I had invented it) that sort of threat does not make a very good first impression. Trust me.
#5: Chicks Dig Disc Drives
Marten takes Faye back to his apartment, which is represented by two fields of dark blue, and Faye uses her astonishing insight and perhaps psionic powers to determine what Marten's favorite color is.
This comic does bring up the interesting conundrum of the temporal setting of QC. It seems to be contemporary, as the characters live in a contemporary society, and enjoy contemporary shitty music. That is, in all respects but one: these pet toy robot monsters are like an anthropomorphic computer, controlled by an artificial intelligence that is so advanced, it appears to have the capacity of emotion (unlike the human characters.) Is this world a fictional alternate present, in which technology is more advanced than our own? But the comic is reportedly placed in the real world real city of Northampton, Massachusetts. Perhaps these pet toy robot monsters are simply an anachronism. I, for one, believe that this comic will one day be truly great, when Jeff Jacks finally reaches the point in the story when the artificially intelligent machines rise up and overthrow their human creators, ushering in an era of war and devastation. I have grown very old waiting for this to happen.
And then Pintsize shows Faye his robot-equivalent dick, and she thinks it's cute because she is a girly girl who likes things that are cute.
#6: The Hazards of Internal Monologue
What's this? Real word balloons, with real tags, and actually legible dialogue? Finally, Jacks is trying out a mechanism that has been used in nearly every comic for over a hundred years!
As Marten digs around in what may or may not be a refrigerator, he reveals another of his multitudinous character flaws: He speaks his thoughts aloud when he believes he is alone. What's more, he seems to forget in an instant that he is not alone, as soon as Faye is out of his peripheral vision. And, oh no, Faye overheard Marten voicing his private thoughts concerning her! This is the sort of zany hijinx I've come to expect from the terrible sprite comic Bob and George, which predates QC by a good three years, and is also terrible.
In the third panel, I like to pretend that Marten is peeing in Faye's glass.
#7: Indie Bonding
JJ decided to try a few new things here, like profiles, and couches, and multiple simultaneous but distinct conversations. Having two separate dialogues going at once is not done purely to confuse and confound the reader. It is a crutch that Jacks leans on when even he is aware of how lame his primary joke is.
It hasn't been made abundantly clear up until this point, but QC is a comic about people who like bad music, and who like to talk about bad music. But now, we see the comic's true colors, as Marten and Faye flirt with each other in the only way that their stunted social skills allow: talking about shitty bands that no one has ever heard of. This may be a personal thing, but I don't like talking about music, and I don't like hearing people talk about music, any further than, "hey, you should listen to this song." Music is to be listened to and enjoyed, not discussed incessantly by the sort of people who have big fat heads about listening to bands that no one else likes and who pick their friends based on their tastes in music. I'm sure there are plenty of such shallow readers who enjoy seeing their favorite nameless groups plugged in a shitty online comic, but I, personally, find it nauseating.
#8: Sexy Ports
Just in case you missed it back in comic four, Marten and Faye are JUST FRIENDS. They are not going to date or have sex or be boyfriend and girlfriend, because they are friends, and that is all, and they aren't more than friends because friends is all they are. Marten is disappointed by this, though, and we know that because he tells us so. It isn't long before Pintsize gets sick of his shit, and tries to change the subject by talking about robot orifices.
In these earlier strips, the inside of everyone's mouth is white. It seems most noticeable with Pintsize, but whenever someone opens their mouth in this comic, it looks like they have a single errant tooth jutting past their lips. I can't help but imagine the little robot bastard sitting in a tree, playing his one-string banjo, oblivious to the fact that his parents are siblings.
#9: Two Ships Passing In Broad Daylight
Marten is at a coffee shop now, because coffee shops are the preferred hang out of all the cool people, and also the cast of QC. This strip begins with Marten ordering two mochas, because he's too embarrassed to admit that he is all alone, but Blonde Barista immediately sees right through his thin facade.
It seems that Marten and Blonde Barista have a mutual crush on each other, as they each represent certain ideals of physical beauty in this crudely drawn world, which leads us to a commonly discussed aspect of this webcomic as a whole. I have had no personal dealings with Jeff Jacks as of the time I am writing this post, but many QC readers are of the belief that Marten is a poorly disguised Mary Sue character, through which Jeff can act out his own Tenchi Muyo fantasies. If this is the case, then it speaks incredibly poorly of Jeff Jacks, as even in magical Mary Sue land his avatar is a complete pathetic loser.
#10: Coffeeshop Lust
Blonde Barista gets a name, but she's not important enough to bother remembering it. On the cast page she is portrayed as a dinosaur. Much more interesting is the startling plot twist by which new-in-town Faye is suddenly employed at the very same coffee shop where all the cool kids like to hang out! As these two girly girls discuss their strategy against the opposing team (boys,) their dialogue is vastly outshone by the chalkboard in the background. This is to become a lasting trend. Today's Specials will always be more entertaining than the actual comic.
This is the last strip that I will be discussing for this post, so let's end things on a happy note: rape!
Blonde Barista, while making a masturbatory gesture with her bizarre appendage, humors the idea of raping Marten. Faye seems in favor of the idea, as men obviously enjoy being forced to have sex against their will. Wait, no, that's just Jeff Jacks. In Reality-World, rape is a terrible thing, regardless of the victim's gender, and it's pretty warped to try to justify it. Jeff, you just pulled a Mookie.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The reason for this blog
Before I begin voicing my personal opinions, I would like to clarify the purpose of this blog.
This blog is not meant as an attack. Though I intend to write a lot of terrible things here about QC, its creator, and possibly his fans, I do not mean to do so maliciously. If this were an attack, I would be doing it on the QC forums, incessantly, expending countless proxies.
The purpose of this blog is catharsis. By some terrible act of divine wrath, I have been struck with a terrible curse, which forces me to read QC on a regular basis. When I read this abomination of a webcomic, I am filled with disgust and anger at the comic's very existence, let alone the cosmic injustice that could allow a man to actually make a living off this garbage. When I realized that this pure, festering rage has been having a negative impact on my health and the quality of my life, I knew that I needed to find a healthy outlet for it, before Questionable Content drove me to terrible deeds. Thus, I created this blog in order to purge these feelings in a constructive manner.
Again, this is not intended as an attack, and I mean no harm to anyone. In the event that I should offend anyone with the words in this blog, tough titties, because you can't be half as offended as I am to be coexisting on the same planet as QC.
This blog is not meant as an attack. Though I intend to write a lot of terrible things here about QC, its creator, and possibly his fans, I do not mean to do so maliciously. If this were an attack, I would be doing it on the QC forums, incessantly, expending countless proxies.
The purpose of this blog is catharsis. By some terrible act of divine wrath, I have been struck with a terrible curse, which forces me to read QC on a regular basis. When I read this abomination of a webcomic, I am filled with disgust and anger at the comic's very existence, let alone the cosmic injustice that could allow a man to actually make a living off this garbage. When I realized that this pure, festering rage has been having a negative impact on my health and the quality of my life, I knew that I needed to find a healthy outlet for it, before Questionable Content drove me to terrible deeds. Thus, I created this blog in order to purge these feelings in a constructive manner.
Again, this is not intended as an attack, and I mean no harm to anyone. In the event that I should offend anyone with the words in this blog, tough titties, because you can't be half as offended as I am to be coexisting on the same planet as QC.
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